


I Can Be Brave

by JonsaInTheNorth



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, season 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 20:40:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20954582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JonsaInTheNorth/pseuds/JonsaInTheNorth
Summary: All Sansa wants is for Jon to stay.





	I Can Be Brave

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this juxtaposition of two pictures of Sansa and Jon, which could easily be part of the same scene. Heck, I'm fairly certain they are part of the same scene. Sansa looks so proud yet hurt about something and Jon looks hurt, confused, and above all melancholic. I figured I could work them into the same fic. Title comes from Sansa's lines somewhere in ASOS.
> 
> Juxtaposition is here: 
> 
> http://ladyllewyn.tumblr.com/post/161366550414/blood-of-winterfell

Hooded blue eyes watch the preparations in the yard below with only somewhat veiled anger. As stable boys bring out mounts to their riders and servants secure the bundles on the pack horses, the upset is slowly buried behind a mask of blankness. Despite the great solemnity of the occasion, the large party and the purpose - to council a Southron ruler - remind Sansa of a time when other Starks went south. She stiffens her lips at the uneasiness this thought calls forth. Starks who go south do not survive. Grandfather, dead. Uncle Brandon, dead. Father, Arya, Lady, Mother, Robb - all of them cold in the ground beneath the snow that falls now, even in Dorne.

Jon insists that this trip is necessary, and that it is vital that he, as King in the North, goes to greet Daenerys Targaryen on Dragonstone. Yet Sansa cannot think of his journey as anything but the forces of the world forcing another separation between them. Don't you see, she wants to shout, they are tearing us apart. She wants to grab him by the wolves at his collar, thrash him until he understands. And yet, this journey is needed.

The queen has dragons, soldiers, Tyrells. Fire against the Long Night, men against the Lannisters, grain against the hunger. She can provide much, if persuaded. But why must it be Jon who persuades her?

The snows fall heavier now, as Jon and Tormund stalk from inside Winterfell's great keep. The wildling goes to offer more evidence of the dangers of the land beyond the wall, since it is impossible to bring a wight to the southron lands. They are piled high in furs and woolen cloaks, protection against the ever lowering temperatures. Winter, winter is here. The winter of the ages.

If only her father could see them now, her and Jon taking on the world. She is a Stark, she can be brave. She is a Stark and it is winter - now, she must be brave. Sansa presses her lips tightly together as Jon walks up the stairs to the balcony where she watches over her keep, her castle, her home.

She knows what he will say. He will try to convince her that this is right, that this is what must happen. That it is for the good of the North and the good of House Stark. But all Sansa can think is that it is not good for her. She knows these thoughts are selfish, but she is allowed to have selfish thoughts so long as she does not act upon them. She knows her life is not hers, not so long as she must watch over all the northern families that flock into the wintertown with each new gale of wind and gust of snow.

"Sansa," he starts, setting a hand on the balcony next to her own. She pulls away, cold even to him. This is a touch she cannot bear to feel. She is the lady of winter, and he is her heat. Warmth does not belong in the cold of the great North.

"Jon." She says his name, a happy lilt to her tone that she wishes she could disguise.

"I know this is not what we want - "

"But it is what we need, yes, yes." She abjures her disbelief that he is leaving her, hoping that saying the words will make it easier to release him. She does not want a churlish attitude to be his last conversation for many months, and yet it is so hard for her to keep from crying as he speaks his goodbyes.

"I will do my best for us, for the North."

She rubs her hands together, encouraging warmth between her leather-gloved fingers. The motion also disguises her anxiety. They have had this conversation a hundred times before. And every time, it just becomes harder to bear his departure away from her. "I wish you a speedy journey."

So you can return to me sooner, she does not add aloud. Sansa does not know why her heart is so against this departure, when even her head understands the necessity. Maybe it is the way Jon was the first to make her laugh after so many months at Ramsay Bolton's mercy and years in the court of the Baratheons. Or that there is no one here she trusts as fully, not even Brienne. She will miss his presence at council meetings, his tales at dinner, even just him being at her side before the fire each night. Sansa will miss him.

It is more fearful to admit this to herself than she had thought. Jon was next to nothing to her as a child, and now he is the last link to the girl she was, to the woman she is. He grounds her in ways no one else has been able. It was Jon who held her close after she destroyed the last of House Bolton. She turns to him when the night terrors return, when she sees Father's head rolling to the ground or staring at her from atop a spike. There are a thousand moments between them that cannot be said into words here and now, and a thousand fears that fill this vast, silent void.

"Aye, thank you Sansa." Jon turns, looks her in the eyes in the way he has, that just makes her want to scream and cry at the same time. He takes her cheek in his gloved hand, leans in, and sets a warm kiss against her cheek. There are so many words unspoken between them, and she knows that Jon feels it to. Yet he leaves her there upon the battlements, walks down and mounts his horse.

Jon brings his mount around, scanning the courtyard to see that his entire party is ready to leave. His eyes meet Sansa's and he lifts his voice so all, even she, can hear. "We make our way to the south, in the opposite direction of our great enemy.

"This may seem fool hardy to some, and yet we will return soon enough." Sansa feels shivers run her spin. If only, if only. Jon continues, not missing a beat. "If we can align ourselves with the southern queen, gain her support through troops and goods, we can bring this war to a sooner conclusion, and perhaps even this winter."

Cheers arise from the crowd in a way only Jon can draw them. "Protect our home until we return. Stand as you have stood before, and we shall watch as winter falls again!"

If they were inside, she would applaud and cheer with the rest of them. Yet they are not. She is the Lady of Winterfell overlooking a courtyard of her people, a courtyard with the only man she has truly trusted since her father died. Their months apart will bring danger to them both. The pack is parted, Father. Is that what you would want?

The train of people, horses, and wagons begins its slow crawl out of the courtyard below. They bear Stark banners and the banners in reverse, the colors used to distinguish between Jon and Sansa. Was the pack ever truly together?

Sansa will steel herself, turn to ice as she must. There is no heart meant for a ruler, no heart left for someone who must watch over so many others. There are people she must tend to, people she must prepare to defend from an enemy she has never even seen and hopes never to. There is cold and there is winter, and both are her greater concerns than matters of a heart that goes unread and unwanted.

And even yet, as Jon glances back one last time, dark eyes solemn as the lichyard, she cannot help but pray for his return harder than she has prayed for anything before in her life. She feels the tears as they finally fall, glances away from his gaze so he does not see the solid strength leave her.

Come back to me, She swears to silent listeners, I will do whatever I must so long as you come back.

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out and fangirl about Jon/Sansa and other ASOIAF/GOT goodness with me on [tumblr](http://starksinthenorth.tumblr.com/).


End file.
